This year, my boy, he’s all grown up now, and he’s been tellin’ me ’bout this thing called “fantasy football.” Sounds a bit like when I was a girl, and we used to play pretend with our corncob dolls, ‘cept this is with them big, burly football players.
Gettin’ the Right Gear
Now, he says to win this “fantasy football,” you gotta have the right gear. Ain’t talkin’ ’bout no shoulder pads or helmets, though. This gear is different. It’s like, stuff you buy. Or stuff you get on that interwebs.
He showed me some stuff on his fancy phone. Said there’s all sorts of things you can get. Like, I saw these shirts, with pictures of them players on ’em. One had this fella, McCaffrey, or somethin’ like that. My boy says he’s a good one to have. Apparently, he scores a lot or whatever. Reminds me of Jimmy down the street. That boy could always find a worm when we went fishing.
Picking the Right Players
It’s like pickin’ your best chickens for the county fair. You want the ones that’ll get you the blue ribbon. My boy says you gotta pick these football players for your “team.”
- Quarterbacks: Seems like they’re the ones that throw the ball. Like when we used to throw rocks at old man Johnson’s scarecrow. But hopefully, these fellas are better aimers.
- Running Backs: These are the fellas that run with the ball. Like when my old dog, Buster, used to chase them rabbits in the field. You want the fast ones, I reckon.
- Wide Receivers: I think these are the ones that catch the ball. Kinda like when I catch the gossip at the quilting bee. You want ones with good hands, I suppose.
- Tight Ends: Not sure what these fellas do, but my boy says they’re important. Maybe they’re like the tight end of a rope when you’re tyin’ up a hog.
- Kickers: These are the ones that kick the ball. Like little Timmy used to kick his sister when she stole his candy.
- Defense: That just means the other team. Or maybe its like your fence, keeps the other team out.
My boy says some fellas, like them Dallas Cowboys, they’re real good at this “fantasy football” stuff. Like how Bessie down the road is real good at makin’ apple pie. They’re the best, he says. Then there’s those other ones, Ravens, Bills, and some team called the Jets. Like airplanes, I guess. And the Browns, well, that’s just a color.
Where to Get This Stuff
He showed me these places online where you can get all sorts of this fantasy football gear. He said one place is called “Etsy” or somethin’. Apparently, they have all this jewelry and stuff, too. Not sure why you’d need jewelry for this, but maybe it’s like wearin’ your lucky charm to bingo. They got all sorts of things there, he said. Vintage, personalized, custom. Whatever those mean. Sounds fancy.
Then there’s another place, some big store, I think. They got all these “gifts” and things. My boy says they have discounts, which is good. Everybody likes a good bargain. They got this thing called “Prime Try Before You Buy.” Sounds like tryin’ on a dress before you buy it, which makes sense. Gotta make sure it fits, right?
He also told me you need to find rankings for these players. That’s like knowing which cow gives the most milk. Gotta pick the best ones, see?
And then there’s this thing called a “FLEX” player. Sounds like one of them acrobats at the circus. But my boy says you gotta pick these FLEX fellas and some backups, too. Like having extra jars of preserves in the cellar, just in case. Gotta be prepared, you know.
He said this whole thing is like a big game. You gotta study these players, see how they’re doin’. Like watchin’ the weather to see when to plant your crops. Gotta know what you’re doin’ if you wanna win.
It’s All a Bit Much, Ain’t It?
Honestly, it all sounds a bit complicated to me. Back in my day, we didn’t have all this fancy stuff. We just had our chores and our church socials. But I guess times are changin’.
But if it makes my boy happy, I’ll try to understand it. Maybe I’ll even get him one of them shirts with that McCaffrey fella on it. Or maybe a nice piece of jewelry from that Etsy place. Though I still don’t see what jewelry has to do with football.
Anyway, that’s what I learned about this fantasy football gear. It’s a whole new world out there, ain’t it? Just gotta roll with the punches, I suppose. Like when your prize-winning rooster gets loose at the county fair. You just gotta chase it down and hope for the best. And who knows, maybe even get some fantasy football gear on the way.
